If There’s One Thing My Ex Taught Me Well, It’s This:
I remember the first year after we had been going out, I asked my ex: “Why do you like me?”
“I like you because you’re…moldable. You always listen and try to change. Most girls aren’t like that and if told to do something they don’t want to do, they refuse and make a fuss about it.”
At first, I wasn’t sure what to think. The word ‘moldable’ made me feel like a puppet, incapable of having a voice or an opinion and I didn’t like that.
But then I thought, is it really a bad thing?
Because being moldable would mean I would be able to adapt to his needs and to show him that I truly care. After all, isn’t that what love is all about? Sacrificing yourself for the one you love?
It wasn’t until 9.5 years later when I realized what the consequences were for being ‘moldable’.
My ex had cast me away, determined to see other other people.
Tiffany, how would we know if we’re the “one” for each other if we’ve never given other people a chance? We should try dating — give it a year or so. If we both don’t find anyone who’s better, we’ll be back together, which most likely will be the case anyways. But if we do find someone better, then we should be happy for each other. Right?
Had I done something wrong? Was I not moldable enough to his liking?
Or maybe it’s because I had become so moldable that I’d become too predictable to his expectations. Whatever it was, I had become the very puppet I was scared of becoming, voiceless and without an opinion.
A few years later after I started sharing my past, a few people had asked me:
“Do you regret being ‘moldable’? Do you feel like the word ‘moldable’ should’ve been a warning sign to your relationship?”
As weird as it sounds, no — not at all.
I don’t regret having been told I was moldable. What I regret is not molding myself for the sake of my own growth.
I understand I’d made a mistake, molding myself for someone else, but what I’ve come to realize now is that being moldable has its good sides too.
After the relationship, I’ve become more open to trying new experiences like traveling solo, lifting weights and doing intermittent fasting. I’ve become a better listener and as a result, I’ve been able to realize more about the world. I’ve become more accepting of people’s criticisms and improved beyond my expectations, all because I had allowed myself to be moldable.
Being moldable isn’t necessarily bad.
It’s a characteristic like many others; it’s up to you to decide how to interpret it.