F*ck you emotions and let me be
Look, I know we’ve been together for more than 28 years. And it’s pretty crazy how close we’ve gotten — to the point where sometimes I choose not to tell my dates, my friends, my mom, even my ex-bf (who I had a 9 1/2 year relationship with) about how I feel or what I’m going through.
Because unlike everyone else, you understand me. You know in a split second whether I’m sad, happy, irritated, worried, upset, relaxed, or in love. You make every experience I have, feel more real. And that’s what makes me fall for you every single time.
But lately, I’ve crying more and more. It was just last week where everything turned to hell and I wanted to shut everyone out from my life — by isolating myself in an empty room, rejecting offers to help, avoiding eye contact as much as possible. I don’t mean to be so distant and untouchable. But Emotions, this is what you’re making me become when I let you loose.
And for that, I CANNOT put up with this egotistic behavior of yours.
What kind of behavior?
Tugging for my attention. Manipulating my thoughts. Controlling how I SHOULD feel, especially when things get tough at work. My teammates weren’t purposely trying to hurt me with their critical remarks. But you twisted my thoughts to make me believe that they were. And that I should avoid these horrible people for the sake of my well-being.
Stop turning me against the people who want me to be better. Stop filling my mind with irrational assumptions. Stop FUCKING up every relationship that matters to me at work and in my personal life.
You know, sometimes I wish you never existed. Maybe then, I wouldn’t have to go through another episode of swollen eyes, a red clogged nose, and a numb mind.
So Emotions, why don’t you leave me the fuck alone and give me time to think about the whole picture, before I start blowing things out of proportion. Because I’d rather invest my energy into solving problems than shunning people who are only trying to help.
I won’t cut you out of my life, but don’t control my life as if it were yours.
That’s all I ask.
Your alter ego,