A word that impaired a young girl’s perspective of real beauty. 

After turning 11, the age when girls start feeling terribly self-conscious of their bodies, I felt defective.

Not in the sense where I had lumpy, large zits on my face or thick hairy legs….but the fact that my body didn’t (and couldn’t) look anything like this.

Photo Credit: Wallpaperesque

Or this.

Photo Credit: Pawg-Tumblr Pinterest

Or even this…

Photo Credit: Universo

These girls have eye-candy assets any man would put a ring on for. Things I wanted so badly to have, but couldn’t — like C+ boobs, a flat tummy, lush wavy hair, a nice round booty, a petite nose, sexy curves like Ela Rose, an attractive face like Jessica Alba.

And I knew with my Asian-infected genes, I was “-6 handicap points” behind what I wanted to achieve.

This also meant I couldn’t completely satisfy my ex’s desire of being that “perfect” girl with an hourglass figure and a model face. No way!

But yet, I still tried.

“Because if you want something you’ve never had, then you got to do something you’ve never done.”

~Zig Ziglar

So with that, I invested 3–4 hours of my day, everyday, watching how girls do their makeup on Youtube. And probably spent a good $1000+/year just on cosmetics and skincare.

[My makeup progress from left to right: 2008, 2010, 2013]

I permed the s*** out of my hair to give it more “POOF.”

Probably my best hairstyle in my entire life.

I ran on the treadmill for 30 minutes, 6 times a week.
*BURN fat BURN!*

Sorry, I couldn’t find a picture of me running. But this is the closest to what I looked like | Photo Credit: Women’s Running

I even took breast enhancement pills for 6 straight months, without doing any extensive research behind how it works and what ingredients my body would be ingesting. Because, well…it was worth a shot!

Unfortunately, I saw no obvious improvement. ☹️ | Photo Credit: Pure Miracle Herbs

To be honest, it wasn’t easy to get into the habit of improving myself on a daily basis.

Because a lot of times, I failed. Sometimes I’d draw my eyebrows too dark. I’d get the munchies at night and start bingeing on potato chips & chocolate chip cookies. I’d pick a dye color that didn’t match my hair. And occasionally, maybe once or twice a week, I’d forget to take my boob-enhancing pills.

*sigh* I know, how could I?

When things like that happen, I’d curl up in a fetal position and just sulk in the corner of my room, wondering why I wasted all that time and money to look good.

But then, after unwinding down to self-reflect, I’d snap out of it and actually appreciate these failing moments. Because next time I’d do better than to repeat the same mistakes.

The way I saw it, failure counts as a step forward to achieving what you want. For me, that was to look and feel good. But ultimately to prove to my ex that I could be his “perfect” girl, that I could be anything I wanted if I set my mind to it.

The impossible can be possible — it just takes a ton of sweat, restless persistence, and a brain shrieking at you, “Don’t stop now! Look how far you’ve gotten.”

By the time I hit 24, I was 5’5″ and bearing a 112 lb figure (5 lbs below the average small framed women).

My parents, sisters and a couple close friends, without uttering this offensively, all said the same thing — that I looked a bit malnourished and that my face looked too pale (especially without makeup on).

I didn’t believe them though. In fact, I didn’t even see the defects they saw when I gazed into the mirror.

To me, I was drop-dead gorgeous. Well, not 10/10. But pretty close if I plaster on my makeup, put on some fake lashes, slip into my 4-inch heels, and reveal a little skin. I just had to run a bit longer, eat a bit less, and research even more into beauty to achieve that 10.

Eventually, my obsession to become attractive got way out of hand, which started to chip away at my 9 1/2 year relationship. My ex, who I thought would be extremely pleased, felt repulsed by my “improvements,” which increasingly became a turn-off for him in bed. And he just couldn’t bear to be with someone who became this:

How my body looked at its thinnest — 5’5″ at 112 lbs

So he broke up with me.

This…shattered my heart into a billion pieces. And I remember crying many nights a week, wondering where I went wrong. Why I couldn’t look like those beautiful girls who had it all, even when I put in 120% of my efforts. Why I was such a f***ing screwup.

And it wasn’t long before my mind started accepting the bitter truth — that even the most committed man can leave you in the lurch, simply because of your looks and not your personality. And so I thought, all men are just shallow a**holes who only care about having someone visually pleasing to hold on to (for the time being).

…until I met one who wasn’t.

He was different. In the sense where he held a compassionate heart for people — friends, strangers, especially girls.

He knew who I was inside. He knew I was hurting. And he knew how badly I wanted to change for the better — which I couldn’t bring myself to do because I was still deeply traumatized by how my ex treated me after trying my hardest to make him happy.

One day we got into a deep conversation, and this is what he told me:

“You should always feel special because you really are. I don’t know how to emphasize that ever enough but you’re extremely capable of doing things most people would give up at that moment.

I just wish that sometimes you knew that and had the self-confidence to back it up, because you’re absolutely amazing.

And I just love seeing you improve. If I were your man, I wouldn’t have it any other way but to treat you the way that you deserve.”

From that point on, two things happened:

  1. My whole world perked up from believing I was doomed to live on the same planet with shallow-minded men. 
  2. My perspective on what “attractive” really was changed — from having a perfect physique to possessing deep, personal qualities: confidence, a strong drive to be better and the willpower to just do it. 

I started to care less about what others thought of me and more about how I can achieve great things, like…

How I look after 1.5 years of strength training

Now only did I look better, I felt better.

And over time my confidence grew, turning up a notch every time I nailed down a milestone towards my goal. I didn’t realize it then but people started complimenting me on things that had zero relevance to my looks.

…which felt strange at first, but in a good way. In fact, I learned that these compliments made me even happier because having the quality of pushing your limits is much more admirable and rare than looking all perfect.

Because as we all know, looks dissipate over time while character grows.

People like people who do great things. And if you show others what you’re all about, it’s much more memorable (and attractive) than seeing the efforts you put on your face/body.

So ladies, don’t be obsessed about molding every imperfect flaw to look like those models I showed you from the beginning. You’re much more attractive than you think. But if your partner doesn’t sound like he cares as much about your passions and goals than he does for your body, screw him.

You’ll be better off making the most of yourself.

  1. CC
    Apr 20, 2017

    Randomly stumbled across this browsing the web.
    Kind of refreshing to read this.
    And also a bit sad, looks to men are important but it definitely isnt everything. Sexy isnt defined by looks unless thats all your after. I guess its something we all learn the hard way.

    • Tiffany
      Apr 24, 2017

      Really glad this story sparked something in you.

      While I wish I never had to bear with this pain and hardship, it definitely made me stronger than I would’ve been without.

      Thank you for sharing your thoughts here. Hopefully I get to see you here again. 🙂

  2. Odysseus
    Apr 28, 2017

    Found this website quite by accident. Sorry you had to go through this. You’re quite attractive, by the way.

    Men are really visual. Women like status and wealth in a man. Just biology. But yes, if your personalities don’t connect, you have nothing.

    • Tiffany
      May 01, 2017

      Just curious, but how did you find my site? Through Google search?

      Thanks for the compliment. 🙂 Yeah, I know biology plays a big role in what attracts us but I feel there’s something more deep that keeps us connected for longer.

  3. how to make your ex boyfriend regret breaking up with you
    May 13, 2017

    Most what i read online is trash and copy paste but i think you offer something different. Keep it like this.

    • Tiffany
      May 13, 2017

      I know EXACTLY what you’re saying, which is why I’m trying to write with my own style. Appreciate your words, and hope we talk again soon!

  4. Rosemarie Gresko
    Jul 26, 2017

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  5. Cherie Keri
    Oct 03, 2017

    I think this is among the most important information for me. And i am glad reading your article. But should remark on some general things, The website style is great, the articles is really nice : D. Good job, cheers

    • Tiffany
      Oct 08, 2017

      Aw, thanks so much Cherie – this really means so much to me. 🙂

      Hope to hear from you again!

  6. Mikaela
    Dec 22, 2017

    I have no idea how, but I stumbled upon this blog on Google Search. It was exactly what I needed to hear right now. My ex boyfriend also broke up with me because in his words – “You’re not attractive enough for me.” I lost a lot of weight being with him because he caused me so much stress, and this turned him off sexually. So he cheated on me multiple times and constantly put down my appearance. After all his cheating, I become obsessed with my looks because I believed my worth was tied to my appearance.
    Good riddance to these men! I’m at a healthy weight again now I’m no longer with him. and I will never let a man make me feel less than ever again.
    Thanks Tiffany, you are quite inspirational. xx

    • Tiffany Sun
      Apr 05, 2018

      Sorry to hear about your ex. From what I know now, these guys aren’t worth your time because they can’t appreciate the finer qualities of who you are. So just worry more about yourself than worrying more about how they think of you. You’re more important in your own life than anyone else.