“How come you’re always happy?”
She said that right after I had taken out my eggs from the microwave. It was my first time poaching eggs in the microwave, and I couldn’t help but be amused at how well it turned out.
“Well…” as I answered her through mouthfuls of food, “it’s because I’m always learning.”
I never learned anything new when I was still with my ex. He discouraged it. Anytime I’d try something new, like a recipe, he’d yell at me if it didn’t taste good. Anytime I’d try something new, like a skill, he’d call me ‘stupid’ if didn’t understand something.
I eventually stopped trying completely because it wasn’t worth the pain. I decided it was just better to take the ‘safe’ route and do only the things I already knew how to do.
What I never realized until three years ago, after I’ve broken off from the relationship was how much I had neglected my own growth. I had destroyed my curiosity, became introverted, and had been afraid to step out into the world and learn things on my own.
I had no idea what mortgages were, no idea who my power company was, no idea about anything at all. I had been so sheltered and discouraged from learning that I lacked the basic knowledge required to survive in today’s society.
I didn’t even know how to book a flight, truth be told when I bought my first one-way ticket to Southeast Asia.
The reason why I’m always happy and excited about the things that nobody cares about, is because while they’ve experienced it, I haven’t. I’m still trying to catch up on the 9.5 years worth of knowledge and experiences I’ve missed out on.
Being able to learn makes me happy because it’s a reminder that I’m no longer the person I once was. It’s made me a lot happier, a lot more confident, and a lot more curious about the world. Most importantly, it’s given me hope — hope that this world has a lot more to offer that I haven’t yet discovered and honestly can’t wait for what’s next.