I never understood love.
Some days it’d transform my world, where everything would melt into the background except the one person my eyes can’t stop looking at. Time would feel ridiculously slow, making every second feel more real. Any moment within his presence would shoot my heart rate up faster than sprinting a mile could.
Yet, love has hurt me — deep. Love has broken me down into tears, for reasons like jealousy, lies, and abandonment. And sometimes, I’d ask myself why am I still hanging on to this person? It doesn’t make sense to be with someone who always hurts you.
I wish love was more straightforward. But if it was, life wouldn’t be as exciting and memorable.
After recovering from my 1st breakup and investing 4 years of my life dating new people, I’ve discovered more about love and relationships than I could ever imagine. How I want to express these insights are through these quotes, which I personally believe could change your current view of love and relationships.
1. It’s not about finding a perfect person but learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.
If you always hold high expectations for your perfect match, you’ll be unhappy forever. Because no matter who you go out with (even if you think they’re Mr. or Ms. Perfect at first), you’ll start nit-picking at their flaws. Maybe one eye is droopier than the other. Or maybe they mumble when they talk. It could be worse, but what’s more important is accepting people as they are. The less expectations you have for someone, the better relationship you’ll have with them. Sure, you can teach them where they can do better, but don’t expect them to be hit the bullseye for perfection for every aspect in life.
2. Love is not who you can see yourself with. It is who you can’t see yourself without.
Sometimes, life pivots into the dark clouds and the next day, your partner is gone — overseas, in another city. Or maybe they’re swamped with so much work that there’s barely any time to see you, let alone for themselves. This doesn’t mean you should give up this relationship straight away and go for someone who can actually be physically there with you. Love isn’t about the distance. It’s about making things work, so you can still be a part of their life. Usually, the people who’ve successfully held a long-distance relationship are often the most devoted.
3. Without communication, there is no relationship. Without respect, there is no love. Without trust, there is no reason to continue.
There’s a reason why we want a partner — it’s to completely expose our most treasured memories, our darkest past, our most inner feelings and be understood by someone who gets where we’re coming from. Someone who can reciprocate back and share their own experience. There’s no negative judgement. No lingering skepticism. No coldness. Just an attentive companion you can bet your entire life’s savings on to be there when you feel like you’re falling apart.
4. You lose yourself trying to hold onto someone who doesn’t care about losing you.
Breakups — it happens. And while your ex has already moved on, you’re stuck in the past, reminiscing about every little thing you two have done together and wondering what went wrong. The truth is, people change or quit. Or even more painful, they stop talking to you, permanently. The only solution to relieve your broken heart is to start occupying your time with things you love to do, people you care about, and new activities to try. If you focus on yourself and make it a habit to improve yourself everyday, you’ll be a better match than the average.
5. Life is not about constantly fighting to keep someone in your life. It is about constantly fighting for a better life together.
Love shouldn’t be selfish. You shouldn’t keep asking for your partner’s attention. You shouldn’t force them to make them think you’re their only world. If you really care, you’d set your emotions aside and do everything within your power to help them de-stress. Encourage every decision they make. Work with them to achieve a better future. It’s more productive working towards a better life together than to hold your partner down for your own contentment.
Last word before you go back to your love/dating life
Love can feel unrealistically surreal and prick every emotion you have. Even if it pains you, just remember, it’s better to feel love than nothing at all.